Article as it appeared on the Institute of Civil Funerals site in April 2023
Member Of The Month
Ashley George
When did you become a celebrant?
It all started in 2008 when I was lost, floundering and looking for a signpost after my marriage broke down. How a signpost was going to provide an answer is anyone’s guess.
Not knowing in which direction, there are four options, where was I to go, and which way to turn? I’m not going into all the details here as they are too personal and will even have the vicar reaching for the whiskey. However, I did stroll into my local Spiritualist Church. I thought being someone from the past would guide me.
Here I met two fantastic people, Heather lived a life of knowing it all with a heart of gold and Ray a professional wrestler. Heather and Ray nurtured me with an introduction to Spiritualism and provided a reason for living again.
With six years of studying, assessments, and working in the community, I was awarded the role of Officiant. Believe me not easy to obtain. Even after studying if the parole board feel you are not suitable one’s chances of becoming an Officiant are zero.
I was attached to the local Minister as an understudy working alongside her with visits to prisons and hospitals in the role of chaplain, gaining valuable experience in a world that was alien to me.
Four years ago, wishing to expand my knowledge on the subject of funerals in a secular mode I trained with Civil Ceremonies following a conversation with an ex-registrar friend who said he had been trained by Anne Barber when he was London based. She came highly recommended. Conversations followed papers signed and a student loan in place, I began the daunting task of studying again through three modules. Culminating with a week’s residential and an exam no one was aware they had to take.
Everything was completed enabling me to commence my second business and go back to being self-employed.
Why did you become a celebrant?
I'm always looking for ways to keep myself busy. I've never had just one job. Two or three jobs are always running concurrently. Celebrancy was a subject that gave me the opportunity to be creative and to help people as I’ve always done. Except celebrancy is far more intense than ever imagined and has been one steep learning curve.
Did you work as a celebrant before training?
Yes, as an Officiant for the Spiritualists National Union. In this role, I conducted funerals, weddings, and naming ceremonies.
What is your go-to colour of shirt/blouse to wear?
Always white with a purple and black tie and black suit.
What is the most memorable outfit you have worn if you have been requested to wear something different?
It has always been a black suit with no deviation…yet!
What was special about your most enjoyable service?
This would have been last year for a lady who had known me for several years. She asked me to conduct her funeral. Having searched and then found me through a friend she asked if I would go and see her. Sadly, she was diagnosed with a brain tumour. I met her at her home twice prior to her death to discuss how she wanted her service and the content.
On the final visit, she was unable to speak with me but communicated by me asking direct questions and she nods yes or no. It was rather sad but she insisted on a happy atmosphere at the service. The ceremony was held in her local community centre with her arriving by black horses with yellow plumes. Her coffin was white with bee motifs which the family had applied. The music was uplifting with I operating a karaoke machine. I didn’t sing, the machine had her selected music on a memory stick. The hall was packed due to her popularity. We then headed off to the burial ground just around the corner. I was in the hearse behind which is always the backup when horses are used. It had been suggested I lay down and wave. Not a good look.
What is the strangest of requests made to you?
Never had one, the area in which I live is very traditional. Trying to make suggestions is like asking the Pope to change religion.
Do you have a way of debriefing/relaxing/coping with the work you do?
Yes, I do. Swimming twice a week, reading and not allowing a client’s grief to affect me. I am empathetic and supportive in a professional way but my coping mechanism is to repeat to myself ‘it’s not my grief.’ Maybe that sounds harsh, it is not meant to be, but we as celebrants have to protect our emotional well-being.
I had a bad attitude on one day last week, recognised it and swam another ten lengths to combat it or punish myself, either way, it worked, and I felt so good afterwards. Oh, and popping into Sheringham, my hometown for coffee with my husband. He’s Yorkshire and doesn’t put up with me whinging. Positive attitude all around!
Lastly – if you were able to go anywhere you wanted for a month’s holiday where would you go and what would you do?
It would have to be the Maldives. I am a sun worshipper. My time would be split between sun deck, reading, swimming and eating fresh vegetarian food. This, however, is a fantasy as I would never make enough money as a celebrant to afford such luxury.
How well are you doing as a celebrant? (My question)
Once training had finished and back into the real world of obtaining work has not been easy in my area. Funeral Directors already had their go-to celebrants and I knew this after researching before I started training. Knocking on doors was soul-destroying originally but it worked to a degree.
However, I have persisted and the number of services has increased gradually. I built my own website through tutorials on YouTube and slowly it all came together. The benefit is that you can control the content at a moment's notice, it is inexpensive and it is fun. There is also a business profile on Google where I have several five-star reviews, a great plus and a confidence booster.
The business as a celebrant is not for the fainthearted with the attached emotions, marketing, and gaining clients and the trust of funeral directors but persistence does pay off. Never give up, if you do, you would have achieved nothing and any effort you have put in will be wasted.
I am fortunate in that three days a week I work in retail supplementing my income.
Still, I officially retire in four years’ time but wish to continue working. By then my business will have grown sufficiently to support me and my ability to work when I chose will be paramount.
Working as a celebrant is an amazing job with no intention of giving up. If that ever happened, it would be because I’ve won the lottery and moved to the Maldives with a reluctant non-sun worshipping husband.
Happy Days!